SHOPPING WITH THE HUSBAND

I went shopping for a walkie talkie to use at work.  My husband offered to go with me.  He suggested Specialty Sports because they have a lot of hunting supplies there and hunters use walkie talkies, right?  So, we go in and wouldn't you know, the first stop is ... those big fancy gun safes.  I leave him there and look for the walkie talkies.  My husband asks for me and we are informed that 1) they don't carry walkie talkies, and 2) I would need a license for a VHF.  Not for work I say, so long as I'm in the store.  Nope, the dude says, gotta have a license.  SO WHAT!?  You don't have any, so shut up and let me get out of here to find a real store that DOES have them!  But no, my husband has to have a clip installed on his pistol... AND he has to check out those room-sized gunsafes.  Mr. Information opens my husband's dream safe and gives him all the specs which has him drooling but I just roll my eyes.

Do you think all our guns will fit?  he asks.  Why does it matter?  If you don't have enough room you'll just buy another safe right?  And if you have too much room you'll just buy more guns until they don't fit, and then you'll have to buy another safe... right? 

The guy patted my husband on the shoulder and shook his head as if to say 'she's on to you man!'  and departed.  He knew he had lost the sale.

But honey, it matches the gumball machine!  my husband said in a last attempt to convince me that we had to have the wheel-less armoured car.  We actually managed to get out of there spending a whole paycheck, the the cost of the belt clip.  Thats a first for my husband, and I'm sure he didn't like it.  No doubt he'll get his 'fix' later on in the week when I'm not with him.

KINDERGARTEN MOM

This story took place shortly after we moved here from North Carolina.  My husband had taken my oldest boy out hunting and they had both taken down deer by mid morning.  They rounded up the rest of their little hunting group and as was already customary, everyone met back at our house.  The animals were laid on the driveway and we all got to work skinning them.  Suddenly I remembered the time.... it was time to pick my youngest son up from kindergarten.  I jumped into the jeep and took off for the school just as the kids were pouring from the double doors of the classroom.  I got out of the jeep and rushed over to the group of waiting parents.  Something pulled the hair of my arm and I looked down.  To my horror I saw that both arms were covered with blood!  I quickly stuck them behind my back, but it was too late.  Several parents were already stepping back with wide eyed stares.  My son skipped up to me and held out his backpack as I routinely carried it for him.  I told him to carry it and turned back quickly, making my way to the Cherokee.  A couple of parents had stopped a short distance from the vehicle and were staring at something on the rear of the jeep.  I quickly forgot that as I neared the jeep and saw a glint of wood on the roof.  My swearing began then and there.  I tried as discreetly as I could to remove the shotgun from the roof of the SUV with my bloodied hands and tossed it into the vehicle.  As I hurried around I saw what the parents had been looking at.... blood stains steaked down the rear bumper of the Jeep.  I just smiled, still cussing under my breath, and jumped into my car.  By the time I reached the house my voice was no longer subdued and I repeated every 4 letter word I had practiced on the way home... out loud for all the guys to hear!  I had never been so embarassed as I had been there, driving up with blood all over myself, with blood dripping off my car and a shotgun on the roof!  Tell you what though... nobody bothered my kids at school!  NOBODY!

WELCOME BUNNY-HUGGERS!

Its been a while since I last posted here.  I see the bunny-huggers have visited.  Sorry I missed them.  They don't find me funny, imagine that.  I've always wanted to ask them... if you don't like hunting, and you don't like the stories... why go to places like this?  And then after leaving a disapproving comment, end with 'Love'... whats with that?  Oh well, if it makes you feel better, come on back.  You may not find me and my stories amusing, but I on the other hand think you are very funny.